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I mean, there were so many possible relationships waiting for him out there, or as Manfred put it: "I wouldn't slaughter a pig if I had enough sausages on the meat rack." Quite so, Manfred.Īrmin, the programme revealed, was straight out of the Bates Motel, living in a decaying mansion miles from anywhere with a domineering mother and forced to invent imaginary companions for himself.Īt the age of 30 he was still asking mom for permission to go on sailing trips, and it wasn't until she died that he felt free to act out all the deviant fantasies he'd been secretly nurturing down through the years. Mind you, neighbour Manfred couldn't really understand why Armin would want to run the risk of carving a guy up and eating him just because he was lonely and wanted contact with other human beings. Much of this unintentional comedy came from the contributions of Armin's friends and neighbours, who seemed to be slightly bemused rather than appalled by Armin's aberrant actions, as if what he had done was just mildly eccentric rather than out-and-out gaga. The documentary was a hoot, so doggedly earnest in its treatment of its insanely ghoulish subject that I began to wonder if it was winding us up.
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Armin was so busy reading a Star Trek novel while the pieces of meat were frying in a pan that he let them get too burnt to munch, and anyway the dismembered Bernd was upstairs bleeding to death in a bath that for some reason he decided would be a good thing to have at that point in the evening. In the event, the planned meal didn't work out too well. This came at the end of Bodyshock: The Man Who Ate His Lover, which is the sort of lure-them-in title Channel 4 favours nowadays, even if in this case it wasn't strictly true, cannibal victim Bernd Brandes never having been Armin's lover - though I suppose cutting off a guy's penis and slicing it in two so that both parties can eat it when it's cooked is about as intimate an act as any lover ever thought of. Forgive and forget, that's the Germans for you, but then they've a lot to forget about. Well, maybe one more time, but with a few other guys on board for protection, just in case Armin started to feel peckish. "I don't think I'd sail with him again," he replied with great seriousness. So what did Heribert, former yachting companion of Armin Meiwes, feel now that he knew his erstwhile crewmate was a cannibal? Heribert thought about it.